Worried, Wondering, Thinking

I’ve been worried lately. A lot. Is my memory slipping away? Do others experience what I’m going through? How concerned should I be?

No, my memories are not all lost. I still know where my car keys are, and what to do with them. I still have fond memories of many past events in my life. But, there are many other moments when I am confronted my someone who in conversation will bring up a shared memeory from the past, and I cannot for the life of me remember not one moment of it.

The other day my daughter brought up such a moment. “Mom, remember when Sam and I…, and I sat there with her and nodded my head and laughed along with her as she recounted the moment. And all the while, quietly, in my mind I frantically searched my mind for even a glimpse of that memory. Nothing. Not one flash of it coming back to me. I sat there scared. worried, nervous. I can tell you that this isn’t the first time that this has happened. To be sure, my daughter has an exceptional memory, and it’s possible that no one in the family remembers these times, I wouldn’t know, I’m too scared to ask anyone and find out that, yes, everyone else remembers.

I do all those things they tell you to do to help with memory function: crosswords, reading, I keep a daily journal, and occasionally will come up with a memory I ask others about to see if they too remember it the way I do. This does help, but it doesn’t help bring back those “Mom, remember when..” moments.

I spend a lot of time wondering if others in my age bracket (60) are going through something similar. I wonder too, am I so precoccupied with other things in my life that I’ve somehow put my past in a memory vault. If only there was a key to that vault, a way to open it up and let all those memories come floating back to me. Then I wouldn't need to sit there scared and worried and I could laugh along with my daughter to a share memory.